Some women fantasize about their doctors or their husband’s best friend during pregnancy. For me, it was only Edward.

I blame (or maybe the appropriate word is “thank”) the organizer of my book club – she picked the Twilight saga for our summer reading option in 2008, right around the time Breaking Dawn was released. Lost in the oh-so-complicated world of Bella/Edward/Jacob, I found an escape from my reality. Lily happily watched Finding Nemo three times in a row so I could keep reading; not one of my finest parenting moments, but true nonetheless. I soaked up the 2,560 pages of the complete saga, went to the first movie multiple times, then re-read the entire series. Edward kept me hooked, and like any addict, I couldn’t get enough.

With raging pregnancy hormones and a husband who worked nights, this should come as no big surprise.

A year later, I have a little more perspective. I lent Twilight to one of my closest friends, who probably just finally accepted it to get me to shut up about it. She read it and reported back that “It was really, really, bad, Anya. Trashy in a bad way, not in a fun way. Why do you like these books?!?”

I realized that a huge part of my love affair with this series was what they signified to me during my second pregnancy. A very real rift had begun to form within my marriage, and I wanted the fantasy of what these books offered: fun, excitement and undying love that knows no bounds. My decade long relationship lacked the raw emotion that comes with new relationships, first kisses and pure yearning. Edward provided a safe and innocent doorway into a world of newly discovered passion.

My husband, Jacob (yes, that is his actual name, which makes this story even funnier to anyone who is a Twilight fan), still teases me relentlessly about my infatuation with a fictional character. At which point I remind him that he was the one who actually benefited from my little obsession, and that he should be thanking Edward for igniting our fire. As much as I love Edward, my heart will always root for my husband, my own personal Team Jacob.